The Meagher Covenant

And on we go....

2011-10-07T09:59:00.000-05:00

Well it seems to be set in stone, as soon as October 22nd rolls around we will be heading out of San Antonio forever. The evaluator from the moving company came today - 8 am sharp much to my unhappiness - and took a look around to see what they needed to bring for packing.
It's so crazy to be moving so quickly. I gave my not-so-two-week notice in at work this week. As sad as I will be to leave all the little ones I have fallen in love with, it's about time for me to say my good byes anyway. With my ever growing stomach and fatigue it's becoming a lot to chase (and try not to carry) babies around all day. But I am sure I will always remember all those little lives I cared for. They already occupy my mind on all my days off.
But moving out of work will be a good excuse to prepare for our own little one. It's only taken me 7 months to be able to really start preparing :). In a way, I prefer it since it hasn't drawn out the anticipation immensely. We did buy a car seat and stroller a few weeks back. And just the glimpse of them always bring a smile to my face. OH! and as far as the hideous colored changing table Brian posted about a while back - we've greatly updated it. I was not even close to being a fan of how it turned out. It is now a lovely shade of green and we intend on keeping it that way.
With all these changes I have to say, I get quite sad in the little moments of every day life. Pulling into our apartment complex after a grocery run, walking into our living room and seeing our little home, and pulling out our dishes to cook with. It's sad to know we'll have to say good bye to this little home we've made for a while. And yet, I will say, that part of me is glad we are both sad to leave it. I remember about two months into living here our apartment was pretty bare. We weren't sure how long we would be here, and originally we would be leaving for a 5 months stretch, so we didn't really invest in setting up a home. One day Brian sighed and said he just really needed to feel like he had a home and that this place was ours. So we set to work, and over the past year we made it a point to make ourselves a place to call our own. And now that we're leaving I'm glad we feel like we're losing a part of ourselves - since it means that, up until now, we have been able to possess that sense of comfort and place of belonging.
Enough sentiments for now :). Hope to update again soon.

a midnight calm

2011-09-24T00:38:00.000-05:00

I am afraid I have been finding myself quite awake at wee hours of the night. Tonight I just decided to get up and make myself a cub of steamed milk with vanilla. Perhaps it will help me sleep. And now I have found myself here.
I see that Brian has already posted the new turn in our journey. (Mind you, that isn't what has been keeping me up all these nights. It has more to do with my ever grumbling stomach which has to do with our ever growing baby.) But none the less, being awake does lead my mind to wonder about the future and all that lies ahead.
In reality right now it seems to be yet another waiting game. Waiting to see what happens, if interviews or jobs are offered etc. But we're making plans as we get more information and go through possible scenarios. It's crazy how quickly things have changed.
I am so thankful for the peace that God has given both Brian and I. It seems we are taking a fork in the road we had never planned on taking, and yet we know it was meant to be from the beginning. So we are changing our route and are excited (and maybe a little fearful) for what the future holds.
There are so many questions yet to be answered. Among the ones most forefront in my mind is where we will be when this little one comes. Time will tell...... for now, I'm going to cuddle up and read the book I believe I recommended earlier.

My Voice Rises to God

2011-09-22T19:55:00.002-05:00

Ok, so maybe my voice hasnt raised to God in anger, but in a weird I feel so calm. Let me tell the back story.

I have been waiting to hear news about what my future holds in the Air Force. I have been waiting for the board results for over a month now, and, by golly, it is about time they told us the results. Well, Monday I found out. I was not chosen for reclassification, and will be honorably discharged from the Air Force in 45 days. Boom. Whoa. [Mind whirling, spinning, etc].

That was my news Monday.

What to do, what to do?

I prayed. I called out right then and there. Not "Why God, Why Me?" No. It was a calm prayer. It was a call out saying "Lord, your plan will be way better than I could have planned." And I truly believe that.

This week has been hard, dont get me wrong. Losing my dream of serving my country in the armed forces didnt come lightly, but I have a peace about it. I am not pissed like other friends who got the same news. I am not bitter to the men who had to make the hard decision, and I am not mad that our leadership couldnt find a job for me, knowing that I am qualified for multiple positions. No, now is the time to move forward. I pulled out my suit yesterday, rewrote my resume, and went to a job fair. Odd for me, seeing that I have only worn my suit at my wedding last year, then my brother-in-laws wedding a few months ago, but then again, it all felt familiar...a new dream to dream, a new direction from God to follow.

Either way, I am at peace with the news I have found out. We are doing well, and listening to the God who parted the Red Sea, the God who walked on water, and the God who saved my sins. I think my future looks alright in light of that.

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow.

Preparing for Baby Meagher

2011-09-11T11:21:00.003-05:00

Kelly asked me to start making preparations for the baby coming soon. One thing that we have decided together is that we dont necessarily want to buy all the toys and things that corporate America says that babies need to have. Asking our friends who have recently had babies for their opinions on what worked and what didnt, as well as seeing what colors we like rather than what Babies R Us offers (pink, pink, and, well, pink). That brings me to my point of this post.

My parents gave us this cabinet when we got married last year. It has served us well, as more storage for games, DVDs and other random things, and now that we are going to have a baby, it shall work as a baby changing station.

This is what it looked like when I took off the doors and drawer and primed it. Sometimes the drastic change from something dark (like wood) to something light, even though it is just primer, looks good in my mind.

Kelly picked out this color yellow. I knew what look she is going for, but I didnt think it was going o be this bright yellow. Hopefully another coat darkens it a bit. Either way, it is fun and different. What do you think?

a good book

2011-09-09T14:04:00.000-05:00

I have high hopes Brian will get on here soon. But for now I'm recommending a book. I'm not even close to being done with it - page 70 to be exact - but I already want to re-read it. It seems to be the truth I've been searching for as I've questioned our idea of Christianity, Christian culture, and Christian community.
Something has just always been wrong - there was meant to be something more. And I feel as though I'm finding a few of those answers. New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton (It's the revised edition). He wrote it and then revised it 12 years later when he felt he had more to say and a different perspective.
And the book doesn't speak out against culture, Christianity, etc......It doesn't speak against anything as much as it speaks truth and goodness to what we should strive and long for. It's so good. So refreshing to know there really is something else.......

head splitting and heartbreaking

2011-09-02T00:29:00.001-05:00

I very much wish I were in bed. It's been a long week, an even longer day and I just watched the date switch to September 2nd. Midnight. I think I'm coming to the realization that I can't just come home from work at 10:30 and go to bed. My body would let me, but my heart refrains.

I wanted so badly to take two little souls home with me tonight. To rock them both to sleep - make sure they were loved and cared for like they should be. As tired as I am I would be jumping out of bed in the morning to be there when they woke up just so they would know there was security and loving arms in their little lives. What I wouldn't give to have them here all day to play with, to feed, to cuddle....to be there when those first smiles come on their precious faces.............. If only I could have brought them home.

While the ringing in my head from screaming children is finally subsiding, I know the memory of those filthy, grasping hands and trembling body never will. I held that little soul for 3 hours tonight. Scared to death, they just couldn't let go - not because it was me, but because they couldn't afford to lose the only security they had found. It's so heartbreaking to see a child so traumatized and in such distress.

Our God has so rightfully put it that true religion is to care for the widows and orphans.....

catching up

2011-08-27T19:49:00.000-05:00

Guess we've been away for a while. Just trying to get back into the swing of things after the accident, family visits, friend's wedding, family vacation, etc....

So big news most who read this already know - it's a baby girl we'll be having! I've already got a tub that's half way full of baby clothes. Our family has been so generous and loving :). AND!!!!! Today we went out and bought our first color of paint for the nursery! I'm excited cuz it's the first step we've taken towards really preparing for this little girl. We have cabinet Brian's parent's had given us and for some reason I have always had a vision of turning it into a baby changing table - even before we were really considering getting pregnant. And I've always had this crazy yellow color in my head in which I wanted to paint the cabinet. I actually was super surprised I even found the color - it's a weird retro yellow with a hint of greenness. Sound awful, but works beautifully in my head.

I'll be sure to post a picture once we start setting up a nursery. Which.....actually we are waiting till we move till that happens. We both are so anxious and ready to be somewhere new, set up a new home, start a new job (for Brian), and start really preparing for our little one. So with our hopes set high we're expecting to move during September or October. We'll be finding out next week should all go well :).

And as we wait, I have started back to work with the beautiful little kids I love to care for. I've been feeling really good and am hoping to get in as many hours as I can until we either move or I realize I need to slow down. I just love loving those kids every day that I am there. I've become so fond of helping them learn how to talk, teaching them new nursery rhymes, getting excited over silly things, and rocking them to sleep. While I hate how abandoned and in turmoil their little lives are, I love knowing that at the end of the day they had someone to offer comfort and love to them.... even if it was just me - their afternoon shift.

Lastly on a sad note, Jaci, who was living with us all summer, moved out today. She's heading off to better and greater things, and I really am so excited for her. A job at a hair salon awaits her at home as well as cosmetology school. It's so fun to see such a great opportunity present itself to her right out of high school, and it will be fun and handy to have a hair stylist in the family. But her absence is very much noted in our small apartment, and we will miss her.

So that pretty much wraps up our summer and sets the platform for fall. September is always the beginning of fall to me. And Brian and I are hoping Texas magically cools down as the "season changes".

Thanks to all

2011-08-03T22:15:00.000-05:00

Hey - this is Kelly.

I just wanted to write message thanking you all for all your prayers and encouragement. To be honest I don't really know what to say. My family and I feel so blessed to have such caring friends and family and to be lifted up in prayers from our Christian family around the world. Thank you so much for all your love and caring thoughts!

We truly feel so blessed and thankful that God chose to spare our lives and allowed us all to up and walking even this week. We know God's hand was certainly with us, but His hand would have been just as with us had the outcome been different and we had greater losses. Either way God is good. But we thank Him that He has allowed us to continue to live life together.

It brought tears to my eyes when Jaci told me the other day that when the car started to go out of control, even though she was freaking out, she had a peace of mind because she heard something within her say, "Something is going to happen, but it's going to be ok."

So I praise God for His great mercies and protection, and I thank you all for your continued prayers and encouragements. While we're thankful to still be a family, we're thankful to be able to continue sharing our life journeys beside all of you.

May God bless you all, and remember that He is good in all things and in all circumstances.

Injury Photos

2011-08-02T22:35:00.000-05:00

Here are the pictures of the injuries that the four family members received. Some of the wounds are on backs and parts of the body that is just weird to photograph, so we decided to post pics that were just from what you would see with their clothes on.

This is Kelly's arm.

This is Pancho's head. He has stitches that are hard to see.

Nancy has very larges bruises. A concussion (her head) and a contusion on her right lung were also diagnosed.

Jaci's injuries have looked a lot better every time she washes and applies the ointment. She has stitches on her shoulder, chin, and left arm.

Tuesday Talk

2011-08-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

Hello Caring Family Members and Friends,

I write you encouraged by what God has done. In a very short amount of time there has been much that has happened. We have made it to Canton, where a good sleep was so desperately needed.

My (Brian) mother, who is a nurse, came last night, and sort of retreated and dressed the wounds, and to her everything looked ok. This morning Dorr was out washing Brandon's car, so he is fine, and apparently back to normal. Kelly is very very sore, and her back is hurting a lot. She is starting to notice more bruises than before. Jaci looks like she is healing really well. It seemed like there were a lot of things that needed to be washed a few times before it heals properly. Her eye looks pretty bad, but the swelling has gone down dramatically. Then Nancy is very sore, and has bruises on the right side of her body.

Please continue to pray for them as their bodies fight to recover properly. Thanks for your support!

A Chance to Help

2011-08-01T19:43:00.000-05:00

So many of you have asked me what you can do to help. I have been praying about this, and I think I can shoot this at you.

The family is physically just sore. Spirits are down, and prayers help.

There is no more vehicle, and decisions are needed to be made.

If you are looking to help: pray. If you are wanting to physically help: give.

Donate to NTM here. This is the Granger's site on New Tribes Mission that you can help with the healing process.

Caution: GRAPHIC PHOTOS

2011-08-01T19:27:00.000-05:00

This is the first sight when I walked up to the vehicle. All parts that were part of the crash, including luggage, bumpers, lights, etc, were inside (or on the hood) of the car. As you can see, they backed up the vehicle right to the trees and bushes, where the ants and bugs had their share of the spilled food that had been thrown and was inside the car.

This is the side view of the car. You can see how the roof was damaged downward, putting the inside and outside like a small accordion. All of the doors opened, but needed force, as the hinges were tight. All of the items were in there, along with the remnants of what the medics used and disposed of.

From the back, you can see that the car is no longer symmetrical. The door didnt open up, and most of the luggage was in the rear. Lots of dirt was inside the bumper, as well as inside the vehicle itself. Funny story: Kelly and I packed a bag of gluten free food for the trip in a grocery bag. The bag didnt survive, as well as much of the food inside. The one item that stood out was the bag of brownie mix. I pulled it out, and realized it popped, leaving a trail of brownie mix all over the suitcases, making them appear dirty, but making them smell really good.

Graphic photo. This, you can see, is the driver's seat, where Jaci was. Her blood is on the side air bag as well as the door itself. We still are trying to figure out what her injuries are from. Either way, we are glad she is ok.

We drove to the crash site on our way back to the women. We decided to walk around, and at that point look for Jaci's shoes. All we really found were candies that were thrown from the car. After it flipped 5 times over a stretch of over 150 feet, we found candies past the final resting place of the car over 30-40 feet away, as well as up the hill towards the service drive. There were many part of the car itself in the grass.

It is amazing to see that these four walked away with minor injuries. We made it to Canton, and will continue to update. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. Please read the next post after this. Thanks!

Oh My

2011-08-01T11:34:00.000-05:00

Friends,

I just have returned from Effington, Illinois, where Dorr and I went to the vehicle to gather the bags and strewn items, as well as to the crash site.

I praise God with all my heart and mind that my wife and her family are alive. There are not words that can describe the car itself. I will post pictures when I am not on such slow internet. As one of the hospital workers mentioned to Dorr, he said "Well obviously your work as a missionary is not done yet."

God has his timing for everything. This is an awful experience and time, yes, but also a time of reflection and praise. Praise for time to spend with love ones. Praise to get another day to glorify God in words and deeds. Praise to lift up His name.

We will be leaving Terre Haute in a few minutes, and will be in Michigan within a few hours.

Pray that our trip goes smoothly, and that the Lord will comfort the three ladies who are sore while they sit in the car.

Also, on another note, Kelly does not have her cell phone, so she cannot receive messages or calls. Please continue to pray for everyone.

Praise

2011-08-01T06:18:00.000-05:00

Quick post:

This morning when they woke up, Dorr was up and at em. He has lots of blood on his pants. We are going to pick up the items from the vehicle, which is about an hour away. He has some intense stitches on his head, and some other places where you can see that glass cut him, and other than that he is just sore.

Jaci was alive and well today. I made a comment to her that she was acting like she did every other morning when I saw her before work. She was fully conscious, and very aware with what is going on. With exception to the cuts and bruises, I wouldnt have said anything was wrong or different about her. She looks bad on the surface, but he feisty self is well underneath. Pray that none of her cuts get infected, and she can keep them clean. She is also very bruised up as well. Quite the turnaround from being taken away from the scene in a helicopter!

Nancy is still sleeping. She was awake every time Dorr was up last night, though, which is a good thing, seeing that she did have a concussion.

Pray that everything goes well today. I will update as I can. Remember to praise God that they are all alive. Glorify God in everything.

Update Accident

2011-08-01T05:02:00.000-05:00

For all of you prayer warriors out there, keep it up.

I arrived safely in Terre Haute, Indiana at 0522 this morning. I have been traveling for the past 12 hours to reach my family, and she was waiting for me outside when I pulled in. We just got done talking for the past few minutes, and she went to bed. Here is the update:

The accident itself involved no other cars, and the vehicle itself landed upright. The glass shattered, and items were strewn about, but the people following described it as flipping 5 times. People that witnessed it gathered the materials that exited before the completion of movement. According to Kelly the people in the vehicle were the only things actually in the vehicle itself when it stopped rolling.

Updates of passengers:
Kelly: seems to be fine. She has some pretty serious bruises on her lower back, and overall is just sore. She is the only one I saw since I have been here.
Baby inside Kelly: awesome. Heartbeat it great, and there is an ultrasound picture of the baby waving hello to me. How nice of my future child to let us know that he (or she) is doing alright in there.
Jaci: she was airlifted to a hospital different than Dorr, Nancy, and Kelly for cuts on her face, arm, and shoulder. I havent seen her, but keep her in your prayers. As the driver, I am sure this will hit her hard. She is out of the hospital now, and headed to a quick recovery, starting with tonight's rest.
Nancy: has a concussion, and a contusion on her lung. Her whole right side of her body is apparently bruised very badly. More to come on her in the morning.
Dorr: Stiches on the back of his head. More to come on him in the morning.

All made it out of the hospital. All are alive.

Praise God that they are all alive.

I am going with Dorr in the morning to the SUV to get other things from the vehicle, as well as snap a few photos. Pray that things go smoothly, and that we are able to finish the trip to Michigan.

Ill keep this as updated as possible, but feel free to call or text me with comments, questions, or concerns. Just keep praying. And praising. And glorifying His name.

Accident

2011-08-01T04:50:00.000-05:00

This is a short message I wrote to some people in Michigan while I was waiting at the airport. At that time, I had only talked to Kelly once, and Dorr two times.

Long story short, Kelly and her family (parents and sister) were driving up to Michigan from Texas (and Mexico). They were outside of St Louis, when they got in a rollover accident, rolling 5 times.
They are all ok. I decided I would fly up to be with them, as they seem pretty shaken. Kelly, and the baby, are fine, as far as the ultrasound said.
I will be driving them the rest of the way to Michigan, and would love to see you if you have time. I know it is short notice, and I am not 100% sure about how long i will be in town, as I am taking leave to come up here.

Either way, if you could hold each one of them in prayer. I know stitches were given to at least two of them, and I cant imagine that rolling over 5 times is easy to just recover from.

Hope to hear from you soon. All of you have significant others that you could tell, too, and that would be nice.
Call if you have any questions or want to text. Miss you and love you all.

Brian

First Dual

2011-07-28T18:49:00.000-05:00

Kelly and I have decided that we were going to write a dual blog, and I guess after kelly has posted so many that I should take my stab at this. It is strange for me to jump back into this for multiple reasons. One major one is the fact that I wrote for my school's blog for four straight years, 3 posts (minimum) a week about what I did. It was exhausting looking back on it. I mean, I always wrote things, but to be creative with what goes into a blog gets old really fast. The second reason is my military contract, and the operational security with how much information I actually release. In other words, I cant post things specific to work.

So with all that said: hello world. I am back to tell of the musings of my heart and mind.

Ill start with something that happened recently. In April I bought a Ford pickup. It was probably not the best decision, but since then I have learned much about cars, their parts, and what to do next time in buying a used vehicle. Either way, I got in an accident with it. The other guy drove off, which was great since I hit him, messing up my bumper. Being the cheap guy I am, I have been trying to fix it myself. I have pulled over 6 bolts from the bumper, and have sawed through the fram of it in 4 places. I have two bolts left.

Basically I guess I am trying to say that 1. I will be busy with that this weekend, and 2. there are so many life lessons in this, it is amazing. Attention to detail (driving), Be Careful, Taking your time doing this will be a benefit in the end...the list goes on. I just have learned a lot, and glad Kelly is letting me drive her to work so I can use our other car while mine is incapable of moving safely. Blessings, Brian.

...and I'm disgusted.....

2011-07-28T11:36:00.000-05:00

I just read that the US has a failing grade for caring for women who are pregnant as well as providing safe deliveries. Forty-nine other industrial countries rank hire than us in safe pregnancies and deliveries - and by safe they are referring to pregnancies and deliveries that don't end in maternal or baby death. What's up with that?!

And.........(read in the same pregnancy magazine) 3 out of every 4 food products in stores contain genetically modified food - something which has never been proved safe to eat, and most studies show that genetically modified food has significant negative results both on humans and animals. The majority of all other countries ban genetically modified food. Seriously U.S.?

I'm not going to even start on what's allowed to be put our beauty products.........

a good 24 hours

2011-07-27T11:13:00.001-05:00

It's such a great feeling to have a good 24 hours of living that leave you feeling content and satisfied with the life you're currently surrounded by. I started out just thinking it was a great day because I have the day off and the apartment all to myself. But then I couldn't forget the feeling I got when I rocked a crying baby to sleep last night. It was such a beautiful thing to cuddle a small soul and bring comfort to his uncomfortable world. And I can't forget the sadness of yesterday when I found out my little 2 year old buddy was gone. I knew the day was coming. I knew some day soon I would show up to work and he'd be gone - yesterday was the day. And even though I was a little heartbroken, I can't help but smile at how we became friends and how much I loved him. It was so worth it.

And the meaningful sentiments have only flowed into today. I got to hear our little one's heartbeat once again. Such a reassuring sound. Even more reassuring was walking out of the doctor's office with my husband - a smile on his face because his baby had just become a little more real to him. I'm so lucky to have him to take care of me and care about the children we'll raise.

And now here I sit listening to worship music, finishing my last sips of tea, and reflecting on all the small but profound moments that have filled the last few hours. It's good to have some rest during the day especially when it brings the gratitude flowing out. I will soon be off to read my beloved St. Augustine and eat a baked sweet potato - health to my soul and body. Enjoy your day; God is good :)

plastic, concrete, and great ideals

2011-07-20T09:40:00.000-05:00

Last night as I drove home from work I was thinking about how this has by far been my favorite job, and it's one I would love to have forever. And yet, as much as I like the organization I work for and I appreciate their vision and what they strive after, it's more than apparent that they don't even come close to meeting the needs these children have. As I thought about why that was, I realized that it's easy for a few people to have a great vision and much much harder for 140 staff to make that a reality. For starters, I would guess that the majority of the staff have accepted it as simply a job that pays the bills. And I could go on..........but this actually isn't where my thoughts took me.

As I continued driving and pondering - not always a safe thing for me to do, but I promise I was paying attention to the road - I thought about how in reality none of it was meant to be. God never intended for all these children to be neglected or abused, nor did He intend for the government to remove them all from their homes. And I can see where good hearted people saw a problem and lovingly wanted to give an alternative and safer solution for these kids. I by far get that. But it really struck me as incredibly that organizations that were born out of the most well meaning and heart felt intentions still don't come close to healing the brokenness of this world.

And while I by no means think we should get rid of foster care or children homes, I realize the weakness and incapability of man. And if organizations that are solely created out of compassion for others and a desire to heal the broken fall so short of being good and right, how much more does this made up world fail to be right? Our society values education with no end in sight, and yet - its completely man and made, and I wouldn't say our education system thrives on heart felt and and compassionate intentions to educate the uneducated. And I could go on about businesses, and clubs, and sports, and on and on.......... But I won't.

I know we still have to live in the world that the generations have created for us. I just realize how made up of a world we live in. It's all made up and based on human knowledge which even with the best of intentions is still fallible and doesn't come close to solving the present problems. Which is why I am so thankful for a Savior who is able to save us from it all. I'm thankful for a God who sees and cares, and Who will one day make all things right. I'm thankful for a God who makes the sun rise on our made up world so we can go live our made up lives and maybe, just maybe catch a glimpse of who He is.

food and life :)

2011-07-19T10:08:00.000-05:00

I've been so into food since I've been pregnant. Mainly because I love the feeling of eating something that 1. is super good and 2. is super healthy. I love feeling like I'm eating a bowl full of health and knowing it's going straight to my little baby. Gluten free/non-instant oatmeal was my choice for this morning :).

My bowl of oatmeal was enjoyed as I read through the routine blogs I check out. Sometimes I find this blogging world strange. Why am I so interested in people's lives (some whom I've never met)? And yet, I still love to read them. And I picked up blogging myself because I stopped journaling and wanted someway to still have a record of thoughts and things done in years past. For some reason blogging seemed like an easy solution.

And now I'm so glad I am keeping track of it all. It's funny how Brian and I are already in the moving mindset and we don't even know where we're going. But we talk about it a lot. Of course we laugh and dream about being moved to Italy or England, and then we admit that Wyoming or somewhere in the middle of nowhere will probably be our fate. Either way, we're getting ourselves ready. If only we knew when and where.....although.... the anticipation is fun too.

And now I must be off to get myself ready for another day of work. I always DREAD going into work for the first time each week. I have no idea why. Once I get there I'm always excited to see the kids and get little hugs and love them just a little more. I imagine today will be the same :).

A little bit of beauty

2011-07-07T10:53:00.000-05:00

I've never considered myself a sickly person or someone with bad health, but now that I'm over two years in I'm starting to wonder if I should. I desperately don't want to admit it. And secretly I'm hoping that being pregnant has added to the mess and now that I'm into the 2nd trimester my body will start to work things out. Either way, it's been discouraging. It's discouraging that I pretty much have to pick one thing to do each day because my energy level won't allow for any more. It's discouraging that I've started to opt for tv shows over reading books or even my Bible because it takes so much brain energy to read. It's discouraging that the days I work everything else in the house gets left undone. It's hard not to be disappointed with myself.

Lately I've been putting worship on during my mornings because it helps me draw closer to God since my reading has been lacking. Which actually in itself is a disappointment because I've never agreed with that excuse. But yesterday I was able to pray without shame and without embarrassment that I've been such a loafer in life these last few months. I'm sick, and God knows that. And yesterday I didn't feel the need to be something more and I didn't feel like I should do more. I knew that I was doing everything I could and that was ok.

I guess I had been forgetting the character of God and how He doesn't demand us to be someone we can't be. He gave me a better glimpse of it when I got to work. I have a little two year old buddy who landed in my care yesterday. We've been buddies ever since he was sick and I've learned his little quirks - how he likes to be put to bed, what calms him down, what he means any time he talks - things like that. Well last night, for whatever reason, my little friend wouldn't sleep. He'd fall asleep and be up and crying in the hallway 10 minutes later. And normally he has to go back to bed, but I could tell something was different. So for my last hour of work he laid on my chest and I patted his back. And I fell so much more in love with the guy. And something within me understood that it was ok that he couldn't go to sleep tonight, that he needed something different. It didn't bother me at all and I absolutely loved spending the quite time with him.

And then I understood. I understood how God doesn't hold expectations over me just because it was something I was once able to do. He just loves me and understands where I'm at in the moment. And He takes joy in being the Comforter.

July 4th

2011-07-05T12:18:00.000-05:00

There's a part of the 4th of July that America never sees. On normal days it's covered up by every day life and news about celebrities; on the 4th of July it's covered up by fireworks and hot dogs.

This forth of July weekend a fallen soldier arrived home. He was an army specialist and most likely under 21. As my husband and I drove to base to pay respects to his family as his body arrived I worried that not many would be there since it was the holiday weekend. My fears were confirmed as only his family and a few bystanders stood in silence as his plane touched down. His flag draped casket was the only cargo on the plane. The process of transporting his casket from the plane to the hearse was very solemn and yet honoring. How heartbreaking to have to greet your son that way.

As soon as his casket was in place we headed off to Harmon drive. Harmon drive is the long entrance into base that is lined with every state's flag, and for fallen soldiers it's where people line up to pay respects to the family. As we drove we passed a parking lot of patriot riders who were waiting for the signal to start the procession. The Patriot riders are a bunch of Harley Davidson bikers who carry American flags and voluntarily escort fallen soldiers to their final resting place. There were 99 of them present.

And along with the great numbers of bikers, Harmon drive was completely lined with patriotic Americans as we arrived. Some held their hands over their hearts while other held American flags. Standing by my husband as the police escort drove by gave me chills. I couldn't help but wonder if they'd be escorting him some day. And then the multitude of patriot riders drove by with his body following. His mother was in the car behind. She had her window rolled down and whispered "thank you" to all the people who had come to welcome her son home. She was all I could think about as the procession continued on.

As Brian and I turned to walk away we both had tears in our eyes. If only all of America could see firsthand the cost of the 4th of July.

The Beginning

2011-07-05T11:40:00.000-05:00

This is the beginning of a new blog. Why? Mainly because I got tired of looking at my old one, but also because Brian and I have been talking about starting a blog together. Whether he chooses to write on this one or not is up to him, but I made it "Meagher friendly" enough for the both of us. I wanted him to feel included if he chose to be:).

I can't tell you how much I hate coming up with names for things. And I hated thinking about making another blog simply due to the fact that I would have to name it. I hate boring or obvious names, but I've never really been into something cool or trendy either. So The Meagher Covenant it is. For starters, it lends more to us as a couple if Brian ever wants to post, but it also reflects the path we've chosen in life.

We had our share of dreams. Two college students getting married a few months after graduation - how can the future not be filled with ideals and high hopes of that perfectly adventurous life? And since then we've seen more of reality than we would care to admit. We've let go of our heart's desires, we've said no to opportunities we wanted to take, and sickness has killed a lot of ambition for the both of us. But at the end of the day we have always come around to remember that above all those hopes and dreams we made a covenant to each other and to God that we would be faithful to one another and look out for each other.

So as I start this blog with our first baby on the way and a completely blank page as to where we will be when he/she is born or what job Brian will have for that matter, I have to say I'm excited about the wait and the anticipation. I hope you join along....